


The Amis Pollenis Incident

by AlyssiaInWonderland



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Asexual Character, Ash and Michael are painfully adorable?, Fluff and Humor, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I blame you Ravenna, Lorca is definitely kinky, Mild Smut, Multi, Tilly saves the day, Vulcan Kisses, Why Did I Write This?, and Hugh and Paul continue to be utterly adorable, and Tilly saves the day!, and literally nobody wanted to know that, and yeah, asexual Tilly, but literally everyone finds out, complete dorks, in other words everyone is distracted, this is the sex pollen episode that literally one person asked for, utterly in love, who still likes sex but isn't distracted by it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 11:52:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12704454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyssiaInWonderland/pseuds/AlyssiaInWonderland
Summary: Tilly is taking her run around the ship, trying to shave down her time, when she notices that something is...odd. When she find the mess hall utterly deserted, and is disturbed by a somewhat...graphic audio on the ship-wide intercom, she knows something is very wrong.She heads first to Michael and then Paul to try and fix things, but when they are no help, she has to save the day on her own.Or, everyone is high on sex pollen and Tilly is just trying to get everything back to normal, stop her space Dads from making out in front of her, and watch The Lord of the Rings movies.





	The Amis Pollenis Incident

Tilly recalls Michael’s advice about counting breaths with her running paces. It is something she is still working on – measured, controlled inhalations are far easier when she isn’t pushing herself so hard, but Michael reassures her that it will pay dividends, and Tilly believes her. The breathing format – in for three paces, out for two – feels strangely meditative. This is possibly why Michael recommended it, and is certainly why it takes her so long to notice how empty the corridors have become. She reaches the finish line, and hits her stop-watch. Two point six more seconds the shave off before she meets regulations.

She walks through to the mess hall, pausing for a moment with her tray before ordering a repeat of the two breakfast burritos. She would feel better eating something more obviously healthy, like her green juice, but she knows, now, thanks to Michael, that the ratios in such human health-foods are in fact sub-optimal. It still slightly terrifies her, how extensive Michael’s knowledge about, well, just about everything, is. She takes the burrito, staring around the mess hall. It is completely empty. 

She normally eats slowly, but today, she is worried. The ship is too quiet; 0530hrs is not an unreasonable time to be eating breakfast on a starship. She itches to head back to her rooms to change, and see if Michael knows anything about what is happening. She also knows that she wants to become Captain more than anything, and has committed to following Michael’s carefully laid out path, so she gulps down the burritos. She is taking a sip of water when the intercom turns on.

“Ah!” The sound bursts from the speakers, making her jump and nearly spit out her mouthful of water. It is followed by something that sounds disturbingly like a slap. 

“Shhh, Gabriel. Hush now. You’ll get what you need…” Tilly recognises the voice of Admiral Cornwell, but she doesn’t understand the tone. It’s soothing, but also almost, well – she shakes her head to dismiss the train of thought.

“Yes, god, please, more, I need you, I want-“ Lorca’s voice is rough, dark with what Tilly can, academically, comprehend as desire.

“I know, calm down. I’ll give you it, I promise.” The Admiral is crooning the words, and Tilly thinks her entire body is flushing bright red. The transmission must be an accident, though how remains a mystery. Perhaps Captain Lorca accidentally leaned on the transmit button while in his office. She blinks, the unwanted image now seared into her mind’s eye.

“Thank you, oh, I need you to touch me, please!”

The sound of another slap resounding through the intercom makes Tilly jump physically out of her seat.

“I’ll give it to you…whenever I want to. I’m in control, remember, Gabriel.”

The groan he makes sounds both obscene and appreciative.

Tilly leaves her tray, and the mostly-eaten burritos, in the mess hall. Face burning with second-hand embarrassment, she lunges at the nearest computer terminal in the corridor, overriding the intercom system. The speakers lapse into blissful silence, and she slumps against the wall for a moment, before urgency overtakes her once again.

* * *

 

She reaches her room at a record pace – she spares an absent thought to regretting that she hadn’t timed her sprint before she tumbles through the door, hand outstretched to wake Michael.

“Michael, you have to wake up! Everything’s gone all quiet, nobody is outside, and the speakers – well – you heard them, I think everyone did, and I don’t know what is going on but it’s honestly starting to freak me out, and-“

Except, it seems, Michael is already awake. She is sitting on her bed, and Ash is next to her. They have both turned to stare at her dramatic entrance, and she notices they are holding hands. Their fingertips are touching, and she can’t help but stare at the display of affection, which is undoubtedly considered at least a little lewd on Vulcan.

“Tilly.” Michael says, calm and composed as usual. “I trust you are having a good morning? Did you see to your daily intake of lycopene?”

“Oh my god, even when you’re acting weird you’re still you.” Tilly says, slightly horrified by the words coming out of her, involuntarily. “Did you even hear me? There was the Captain, and now you, and the whole ship is just not acting right!”

“Hey, Tilly!” Ash whispers at her, loudly, and Tilly blinks at him.

“Yes? What is it?”  
  
“Michael and I are _making out_ right now!” He says, a grin sprawling across his features.

“What? No, you’re not, you’re just touching fingers and I really didn’t need to know that!” She stares, transfixed as Michael smiles, laughing softly in a way that makes Tilly worried for her own sanity. Michael turns to her again.

“On Vulcan, you kiss with your fingertips. It is what comes of a species of touch-telepaths.”

“But, but you’re not a touch-telepath, right?” Tilly finds herself struggling to pull the words from her brain to her lips, the path strewn with the obstacles that the day has already managed to throw at her.

“No.” Michael says, thoughtfully, and turns again, leaning in to raise her other hand to Ash’s cheek. He turns, still grinning happily, and they kiss, this time the human way.

“Um. Michael? Ash? You’re definitely acting weird. Something is up! Guys!” She waves a hand at them, but they ignore her, and as soon as Michael’s hand slides back to weave into Ash’s hair, she backs out of the room, one hand over her eyes. “Ok, right, I’ll give you guy’s some privacy!” She stands outside the door, wondering what to do. Then she brightens. She knows exactly what she needs to do.

* * *

 

She reaches Engineering without much incident, though she is more concerned that she hasn’t come across anyone than relieved. She walks through the area around the spore drive, checks the offices, even the spore generators themselves.

“Lieutenant Stamets, Sir?” She calls, but there is no response. She goes up to a console, and taps to activate it. “Computer, locate Lieutenant Stamets, please.”

“Lieutenant Stamets is in Medbay.” The computer responds promptly, and Tilly finds herself thankful that at least the ship’s computer is functioning normally. Soon, she will be able to find Paul, and maybe together they can figure out what is going on with the ship – with the Captain, and Michael, and Ash. She nods to herself; Medbay makes sense as a destination. It’s becoming clear that there is some kind of sickness, or something affecting certain members of the crew.

* * *

 

On the way there, she comes across a fellow cadet, who is wearing black and purple striped pyjamas and glaring at a replicator like it has personally offended him. He seems oblivious to her sneaking by him, and she catches a snippet of his ramblings, which seem to be related to cursing the contraption for failing to make adequate breakfast cakes. As she moves past, she hears the same man shout something about resenting how he misses out on cake even in a dream, and she can’t help but giggle. She wishes, a little, that this was a dream, but she has already pinched herself seven times, to no effect. But she supposes that it would be easy to assume this is a fever-dream, particularly if you hadn’t thought to pinch yourself firmly and just done strenuous exercise.

She arrives at Medbay, and slides the doors open with a wave of her hand. She steps in, and looks up, to find her hopes instantly dashed.

“Dad, what the _hell_?!” She shrieks, then claps a hand over her mouth at the instinctive words. Her eyes are wide with shock, and in her surprise cannot even think to close them against the sight greeting her.

Lieutenant Stamets is, indeed, in Medbay; so is Lieutenant Commander Culbers. The latter is shirtless, leaning against a wall as the former pins him to it, brushing kisses to his mouth and neck urgently.

“Paul…” Hugh moans, one hand fisted against the wall and the other in his partner’s hair.

“Yes, dear doctor?” Paul murmurs against his skin, his hands running over Hugh’s bare chest, flicking over the sensitive spots intently. Hugh’s reply is lost as he brings a hand to Paul’s hip, using the leverage to turn them and press Paul to the wall instead. “Ah!” Paul’s hands fly up to grip Hugh’s shoulders, and the smirk at the reaction is almost audible. Hugh leans in for a kiss, and Paul relaxes into it, letting his legs be nudged apart by one of Hugh’s, and leaning luxuriantly into his husband’s embrace. 

* * *

 

Tilly abruptly snaps out of her haze of stunned confusion. “Oh my god, I called him my _Dad_!” She says to herself, her hands twitching at her sides nervously. “What do I do? Okay, stay calm, Tilly, this is it. You’ve been training for something like this – well, nothing like this, actually, this specific incident is far beyond the bounds of training at the academy, but the point is to stay calm and –“ She breaks off, taking a deep, calming breath, doing her best to ignore it as Hugh grips Paul’s wrists and pins them to the wall, rolling his hips in a way that makes Paul moan in a way she just knows is going to invade her thoughts at inopportune moments and cause unnecessary blushing. “The medical office, right, that lets me access all the controls, and it should be quiet, and it could scan the environment for whatever is causing all this!” She moves as she speaks, dashing past the bio-beds and slamming the door behind her with a relieved sigh.

“Computer, run analysis on all life signs on board. Is there some kind of compound affecting us?”

The computer whirs to life, and she sits down to wait for the results. Now that she is actively doing something about the bizarre situation, she finds herself inexplicably restless. She recalls Michael having said once that meditative breathing is a way that Vulcans control and understand their emotions, and she takes a moment to try it herself. After a few breathes, counted carefully, she finds that it doesn’t seem to help her. She feels tense, tightly wound, as if she needs to go out, party, and find someone to release the tension with. She sits up suddenly, in understanding.

She is feeling that abstract desire, the kind that hits her occasionally; the sort that makes her want to find herself some alone time and ‘destress’ – or with someone else, if she felt that way inclined. She was back into her solider phase now, after all; she might be mostly asexual, but she was very firmly romantic, and sex, honestly, felt really quite enjoyable. Particularly with someone she felt romantically attracted to. It felt like another, enjoyable way to make a connection with someone; though she would, mostly, rather spend her time investigating strange phenomenon.

“Readings have found high concentrations of _amis pollenis_ in the systems of all lifeforms on the ship.”  
  
Tilly blinked, the computer distracting her from her reverie; the mystery doing the rest of the job and pulling her mind back from its meandering.

“Okay,” She says, out loud. “So, if it’s in everyone, it can’t be the food. What does everyone on this ship consume together? Wait, hang on, _amis pollenis_ …doesn’t that literally translate as…love pollen?” She pauses, processing the state of everyone she came across, and her own abruptly surfacing libido. “Okay well, that makes sense. And the fact that I’m saying that it makes sense just proves how weird this all is!”

She leans her forehead against the desk below her, taking deep, calming breaths, and feels herself begin to become distracted yet again. She isn’t entirely sure what she wants, but a friendly body or a nice movie would be incredibly welcome. She takes another breath, and her face lights up in realisation. She sits up, strands of hair escaping from the bun she’s put it into.

“Computer, scan air composition.”  
  
“Finding high concentrations of the _amis pollenis_ in the air systems.”  
  
“Trace the source, please.”  
  
“The source appears to be a growth located in space vent 301, Cadet.”  
  
“Computer, block off the growth from the air system and lock it down, ready for analysis. Then filtrate the air systems to remove the _amis pollenis_.”  
  
“Affirmative. The growth has been blocked off from the air systems. The filtration process will take one hour and fourty-six minutes.”  
  
“How long until the _amis pollenis_ reaches sufficiently low concentrations in the, um, life-forms, to cease having an effect?”  
  
“Estimated time of three hours and forty-eight minutes, Cadet.”  
  
“Perfect. Computer, continue to filtrate the air systems, and play the first Lord of the Rings movie in here, please.” She pauses, hearing rhythmic thumping form various sources around the ship. “And turn up the volume. High.”  
  
“Affirmative.”

* * *

 

Tilly is finishing off her replicated popcorn, watching Boromir fighting to try and save Merry and Pippin, when the door to the office slides open. She drags her feet off the desk as quickly as possible, shoving the popcorn bag onto the desk and slamming the pause button.  
  
“Um. Hi, sorry about that, it’s just that the filtration systems were going to take a while to kick in, and I got bored, you see-“  
  
“It’s alright, Cadet, you’re not in trouble.” Paul and Hugh look dishevelled, confused and more than a little embarrassed. “It seems like we were the ones in trouble, and you fixed it? Filtration systems?” Paul asks.

“Oh, well, the, um, computer found high concentrations of _amis pollenis_ in everyone’s bodies and I thought, well, the only thing we’ve all been sharing is the air, and it turns out there is a growth in space vent 301 which was producing the pollen, and I’ve blocked it off ready to be studied because I think it would be honestly really interesting! I mean, we’d have to keep it well contained, though. Wouldn’t want another incident like this one.” She laughs, awkwardly, trying to clear her mind of the image of Paul and Hugh enthusiastically making out against the wall she can still see, just past their shoulders.

“That sound so cool!” Paul enthuses, moving across to bring up the computer readings. Hugh grabs his arm, rolling his eyes good-naturedly.  
  
“Paul, I think it would be wise to study it in the actual science labs. I’m going to have to give everyone check-ups to make sure this pollen is purged from our systems.” He smiles, gently. “Besides, we need to thank Tilly. She managed to get in here and sort everything out, while we were…distracted.” Hugh looks away, his expression a combination of amusement and embarrassment.

“Oh, it’s alright! One of the advantages of being asexual, I guess! Though it did make me kind of want to, um, you know, because it can be quite fun, but it was manageable and I got to watch some of The Lord of the Rings again so really, it was kind of a win for me anyways!” She grins brightly, and Paul laughs.

“I’m impressed you resisted that movie for so long, Cadet.” Paul says, lightly teasing.

“Yes, I’m sorry about that, Lieutenant, I shouldn’t have put my feet on the desk or anything like that. I can tidy up the popcorn!” Tilly grabs the bag, crumpling it and hastily throwing it into the waste chute in the wall.  
  
“I didn’t mean it like that.” Paul says, smiling at her gently. “I’m sure we have a lot more to be embarrassed about in this situation.” Hugh nods, but he is mostly smiling too.

“Oh, not at all, you’re both extremely attractive!” She says, and then realises what she has said. “I mean, that’s not what I- that would be like wanting my D- never mind, I’ll just head to have my run after my shower – I mean my shower after my run! I’ll report to my station as soon as I can!” She walks as quickly as possible to the door, and turns around to catch it at the last minute. “Space vent 301. Yep. Bye!”

**Author's Note:**

> So. This is a thing?
> 
> I wrote this all in one hit because *someone* (aka shroom-boi on tumblr!) gave me the idea and now here we are.
> 
> I hope this is enjoyable/funny! And as ever, if you could feed me and my dark soul with comments or kudos it would be much appreciated! <3


End file.
